My Mum made macaroni with blue cheese tonight (I don't eat there every night, I am not a stray cat with 4 teeth which can't meow properly so sounds like old bagpipes being squeezed by an accountant). My point is, Mum has known me just over 37 years, all my life in fact, and I have NEVER once said to her "mmmmm this blue cheese is ruddy delicious and doesn't taste at all like sweaty dog arseholes". Still I battled gamely through it, there are after all people who would swim through a sea of used hypodermics just to lick my spoon when I am finished so I shouldn't whinge.
I am currently looking for somewhere new to live (the gummy cat scenario may not be far off) and am going to someone's house tomorrow night to see a REALLY cheap room. Theories currently keeping me awake include: it's cheap because the room is smaller than a bee's purse, the people who own the house are perverts and will film me shaving while eating trfile in swimming trunks, the floor is made of Ryvita, they have an old, old dog called Harris who every so often shits in everyone's shoes and it ALWAYS smells of pedigree chum soaked in diesel, or maybe they are fat naturists and have more flesh than the entire boxsets of Carry On and Emmanuel combined. Soon find out.
Right, I am away to the land of nod. Not sure why, but that sounds dirty; "Where you been?" "Nod" "Oh yeah? Get any?" "Yeah, 40 wanks, I mean winks".
Goodnight everybody, goodnight.
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